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Feature: Top 5 Philosophers Whose Lives Should Be Turned Into Video Games

If you hadn’t already guessed after last week’s new podcast segment, I’m a Philosophy major, so I’ve studied a few philosophers in my day. Quite a few philosophers have led rather interesting or crazy lives, and their biographies seem ripe for game adaptations. So here’s my list of 5 philosophers whose lives would make interesting video games.

5. Anicius Manlius Severinus Boethius

Boethius’ life is one full of political intrigue. Born of a family that included the likes of emperors and consuls of the Byzantine Empire, Boethius rose through the ranks to become consul of the kingdom of the Ostrogoths, and eventually magister officiorum, that is, the head of the entire government.

During his life he found himself in the service of Theodoric the Great, who had written Boethius a very complimentary letter about his studies, and commissioned Boethius to perform various duties. However, in 523AD, Boethius was arrested on charges of treason by Theodoric, who suspected him of conspiring against the Byzantine Empire.

Boethius was subsequently imprisoned and executed. While in prison he wrote his most influential work, the Consolation of Philosophy, wherein he ruminates on happiness, God, and Fortune. The book is actually written as a conversation between Boethius and “Lady Philosophy” who consoles Boethius and reassures him that fame and wealth are transitory and that things of the mind are the “one true good.”

Boethius’ game would be a typical JRPG. Boethius is your protagonist and Theodoric is the ally who is eventually revealed as the true enemy. As the game progresses you move up in the ranks of the Ostrogoths to eventually become the magister officorium. Yet, here’s the twist, instead of defeating the enemy that is Theodoric, you are captured and imprisoned. You then have a long conversation with Lady Philosophy that is full of moral choices and branching dialogue options. After you come to terms with your loss of title, fortune, and your imprisonment, Byzantine Guards arrive and club you to death. More games need sad endings anyway.

4. Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Here’s another one with an unhappy ending for you. Nietzsche was a nineteenth-century German philosopher who wrote on a variety of subjects including the eternal recurrence, the death of God, nihilism, perspectivism, the Overman (or Übermensch in German if you prefer), and the Will to Power.

Nietzsche, was, and still is, a very important figure in Western Philosophy, but we’re going to ignore most of that, as his philosophy is very intricate and subtle. What I will focus on is the constant diseases Nietzsche suffered, as well as his eventual insanity.

Throughout his life Nietzsche was the victim of many illnesses (most of which were never properly diagnoses) including near blindness, horrible migraines, and violent stomach attacks. He used a variety of drugs to stave off the pain that he experienced on a daily basis. Being the prolific writer that he was, Nietzsche would spend days alone doing nothing but writing. Because of his near-sightedness he had to hold his head as close to the paper as possible and would literally write from dusk ’til dawn, or, at least, until his eyes and head hurt so much that he could no longer continue. In his last year of active writing he would complete 5 different books.

Nietzsche’s illnesses forced him to travel a lot, as he was always in search of a climate which did not aggravate his delicate constitution. He spent much of his time traveling across both Switzerland and Italy. Eventually, in the winter of 1889, Nietzsche suffered a mental breakdown in the Italian city of Turin. The story goes that, upon exiting his place of residence, Nietzsche witnessed a horse being whipped. He proceeded to run over to the horse, throw his arms over it in protection, and then collapse. After this episode he was never the same. Following his breakdown, Nietzsche’s antisemitic sister took control of his unpublished works and  their publication, manipulating and “correcting” them, yet having no idea what Nietzsche’s real philosophy was.

The video game based on Nietzsche’s life would be an open-world adventure game. You travel around the world in an attempt to keep your illnesses from killing you. Throughout the game you are constantly plagued by these illnesses and at times the screen will become blurry because of your poor vision, or you will simply be debilitated for a short period of time by violent stomach attacks. The main attraction of the game would be the beauty of the open world as you travel between the various locations that Nietzsche visited in his lifetime. There’s not much of a goal to the game (I suppose there could be a writing mini-game, but who would play that), but after playing for long enough you suffer a mental breakdown and die in obscurity and lonliness. Obviously the game wouldn’t be accepted by the general public because of their inability to actually understand its significance.

3. Aristotle

Any list of philosopher’s, even one such as this, must contain this man’s name. Aristotle was, and continues to be, one of the most influential figures in Western Philosophy. Along with Plato and Socrates he helped to essentially found Western Philosophy as we know it. The man dabbled in a bit of everything. Logic, physics, metaphysics, biology, medicine, ethics, politics; the man did it all.

In accordance with the theme of this article, I suppose I should come up with a game concept for him. Aristotle led a pretty active life in which he traveled to the Greek island of Lesbos and extensively researched the botany zoology of the island. He was the head of the academy of Macedon and taught Alexander the Great. He also gave Alexander political and military advice and encouraged him to invade Persia. Aristotle also founded his own school in Athens known as the Lyceum.

So I’m seeing a sort of Spore-like game here, definitely an RTS at the least. One in which botany and zoology play as important a role as military and education. Perhaps it could incorporate some of Aristotle’s ethics as well. That is to say, in order to have a thriving civilization you must attain “The Golden Mean.” That state between excess and deficiency. Yes, it’s all coming together now. A “God Game” in the style of Black & White that is based around Aristotelian philosophy.

2. Ludwig Wittgenstein

Wittgenstein was a 20th century analytic philosopher who specialized in things like the philosophy of mathematics, logic, and the philosophy of language. All very interesting topics, but also very confusing and complex.

What is important here is that Wittgenstein was a participant in the first World War.

The outbreak of World War I in the next year took him completely by surprise, as he was living a secluded life at the time. He volunteered for the Austro-Hungarian army, first serving on a ship and then in an artillery workshop. In 1916, he was sent as a member of a howitzer regiment to the Russian front, where he won several medals for bravery, then in the Italian Southern Tyrol (today Trentino, in Italy), where he was taken as a prisoner of war by the Italian army in November 1918 near Trento.

His notebook entries during the war reflect his contempt for the baseness, as he saw it, of his fellow soldiers. Throughout the war, Wittgenstein kept notebooks in which he frequently wrote philosophical and religious reflections alongside personal remarks. The notebooks reflect a profound change in his religious life: an agnostic during his stint at Cambridge, Wittgenstein discovered Leo Tolstoy’s The Gospel in Brief at a bookshop in Galicia. He devoured Tolstoy’s commentary and became an evangelist of sorts: he carried the book everywhere he went and recommended it to anyone in distress (to the point that he became known to his fellow soldiers as “the man with the gospels”). Wittgenstein’s other religious influences include Saint Augustine, Fyodor Dostoevsky and, most notably, Søren Kierkegaard, whom Wittgenstein referred to as “a saint”.

So it probably doesn’t come as much of a surprise that Wittgenstein’s game would be an FPS. Yet, not many games have taken advantage of the unique climate of WWI. So it could be a rather interesting affair, exploring a setting which has yet to receive much attention.

Following his service in the war, Wittgenstein finished his first major work, the Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus, which he believed solved all of the problems of philosophy. Having done that, Wittgenstein decided to train as a primary school teacher in Austria. He was appointed as an elementary school teacher in a few rural Austrian villages. He wasn’t a very good teacher, as his methods were very intensive. Wittgenstein expected a lot out of the children he taught and was not one to suffer fools. He regularly handed out corporal punishments and, after the collapse of an eleven year old boy that he had hit on the head (and subsequent attempt by the father to have Wittgenstein arrested), Wittgenstein resigned from his position.

So the second half of Wittgenstein’s game would be a teaching simulator in which one attempts to teach students using Wittgenstein’s methods while avoiding resignation for as long as possible. You need to produce results with his methods but as soon as your first student collapses, you’re done.

1. Diogenes of Sinope

I’ve been looking for an excuse to mention this guy for a long time. Just read this description of his life in Athens and tell me you wouldn’t want to play a game based on it.

The stories told of Diogenes illustrate the logical consistency of his character. He inured himself to the vicissitudes of weather by living in a tub belonging to the temple of Cybele. He destroyed the single wooden bowl he possessed on seeing a peasant boy drink from the hollow of his hands. He once masturbated in the Agora; when rebuked for doing so, he replied, “If only it was as easy to soothe my hunger by rubbing my belly.” He used to stroll about in full daylight with a lamp; when asked what he was doing, he would answer, “I am just looking for a human being.” Diogenes looked for a human being but reputedly found nothing but rascals and scoundrels.

When Plato gave Socrates’ definition of man as “featherless bipeds” and was much praised for the definition, Diogenes plucked a chicken and brought it into Plato’s Academy, saying, “Behold! I’ve brought you a man.” After this incident, “with broad flat nails” was added to Plato’s definition.

This man’s life just begs to be made into a video game.

Author: Ryan

Tags: philosophy