First off: no Mario games. We all love Nintendo’s main man, but I could list off the good plumber’s titles ’til the cows come home, and I don’t have any cows…so that might go on for a while. Also, all entries come from this generation of consoles, because frankly, my entire list would consist of GoldenEye otherwise. So with that said, how can you get your gaming fix this holiday season with all manner of trash talking siblings, rambunctious cousins, and overly curious aunts and uncles scurrying around the house?

Blur – These days, it seems like split-screen racing has become a thing of the past. Thankfully, this under-the-radar Arcade Racer offers the kind of nitrous-infused mayhem that the big names have relegated to the online realm, from the comfort of a crowded living room couch. While the local multiplayer might not have all the goodies of the online experience, it still allows for up to four players to unload missiles on each other at dangerously high speeds. Is there ever a time when power-up/weapon based racing isn’t fun? Oh, right: when your sister steals your controller from you right before the finish line and spends the rest of the night telling the whole family how you got beat by a girl…

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 – Unfortunately, there aren’t any split-screen competitive modes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a romping good time in Spec-Ops. Grab a friend and strap in for hours of the kind of hardcore challenge that most games just don’t offer any more. There’s always the possibility that Grandpa will want to start telling war stories and put a bit of a damper on your virtual fun, but that’s a risk worth taking for such a finely tuned and varied co-op experience.

Dance Central – Even the mythical powers of eggnog can’t get some family members on the dance floor. But if you call it a video game, then all of a sudden Uncle Jack will have no problem humiliating himself in the name of some friendly competition. And with more popular tracks than the techno fare of Dance Dance Revolution and the novelty of full-body motion controls to boot, Kinect’s crown jewel probably has a little more appeal for all those fun-loving family members who have mysterious mid-winter tans. Give them some Santa hats, a few drinks to go with the sugar cookies, and sit back while relatives of all ages and genders make fools of themselves. Just pray that nobody stumbles into the tree.

Gears of War 3 – Assuming that you have at least a few visitors that can manage to play a Shooter without whining about how disorienting two analog sticks are, then Gears is surely a good choice. Even if every player isn’t a lead-spitting phenom of death, the myriad of co-operative modes should allow you to pick up the slack so everybody can have a good time. It might be a little on the violent side, so perhaps it’s not the best choice if little ones are going to be running around, but there is a gore filter; just slap that baby on and tell little Susie that the berserkers in Beast mode are simply hugging all of the tiny humans they love so much.

Halo: Reach – For the more competitive-minded gamers in the family, Halo‘s latest offering features the finest four player split-screen you’ll find in any game this generation. The level of customization you can bring to any given match is nothing short of mind-boggling, and it’s easy to set up too. There should be no problems establishing the proper handicaps to make the action fun for everyone, and with off-the-wall game types like Rocket Race, nobody ever will want for variety. Oh, and if playing armchair game designer on the dozen plus maps that shipped with the game isn’t good enough for your more creative friends and family, just start up a game in the Forge and let him or her alter the level as you play. That’ll certainly help with cousin Kyle’s God complex…

Left 4 Dead 2 – If the cooperative demands of Gears just aren’t intense enough for your holiday homies (or if you suffer the misfortune of blood relation to a zombie freak), Valve’s Survival-Horror Shooter should do the trick. The combat is ultra fast and positively requires teamwork, but few experiences bond a family quite like escaping hordes of salivating undead whilst Dad contemplates the phrase “So, Sis: I heard that they hired you to do the motion-capture for the spitters.”

Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga – The gameplay is simple and easy to pick up, but offers a surprising amount of depth for such a family friendly title. The second player can drop in or drop out at any time, so if somebody’s not feeling the prequels, they can go watch A Wonderful Life and come to the realization that life’s too precious to be so cynical. Meanwhile, the rest of the family can take turns enjoying the entire Star Wars saga, playing Star Wars trivia games when they’re not on the console, and drinking cold beverages with the help of some Han Solo ice cubes. Families are cool like that, right?

Little Big Planet 2 – The adorable art style is sure to draw in your more apprehensive gamers, and the AAA platforming and level-creation tools will keep the more hardcore interested. Supporting up to four local players, the sample platter of genres on display in Media Molecule’s latest is sure to be a blast of of cooperative hooting and hollering. It’ll also give you an excuse to call your brother “Sack boy.”

Madden NFL 2012 – Of course you’ll all be watching the Green Bay Packers continue their march to perfection against Da Bears on Christmas day, but the glory of that beatdown can’t last forever, can it? Thankfully for the less fortunate fans out there, EA has graced us with yet another hopes and dreams simulator. Get everybody to pick their favorite team and set up a good old fashioned tournament where Aunt Kelly can finally earn some bragging rights for the Bills. There are sure to be some obscenities shouted, and maybe a controller or two will get thrown, but Mom knows that common manners go away during football time.

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe – A fighting game simply had to show up somewhere on this list; it was only a matter of which game could satisfy your biological desire to destroy your siblings while also appealing to the less seasoned gamers and not appalling half the room with decapitations and X-ray mutilations. Comic book characters should hold some appeal for the less nerdy participants (Hollywood has just gone too far!), and if you have to choose between Marvel and DC, there really isn’t much of a choice; Batman and The Joker are just that awesome. So pass the controller around and get to the bottom of all those “Who would win in a fight between…?” questions. If that’s not in the Christmas spirit, then I don’t know what is.

Portal 2 – Finally, a game that will convince your parents that your brain isn’t rotting away! Whether you’re hard at work in the co-op campaign or just letting the room shout out tips for your single player puzzling, Valve’s monument to edutainment is sure to turn some heads get everybody involved. Just be warned that GLaDOS might not make many friends if you’ve got any adopted folks around…or fat folks…

Rayman Origins – This game has been described as what New Super Mario Bros. Wii should have been. That should tell you something. The zany art style is sure to enchant anybody in the room into watching up to four players speed through masterfully designed levels as they collect all manner of doodads and fight off monstrous and imaginative bosses. Oh, and you can slap your fellow players. That’s fun for all ages.

Rock Band 3 – It might not feature “Rockin’ around the Christmas tree,” but that’s surely what will happen when you bust out the guitar, bass, drums, keys, and mics for some 100% Natural Good Time Family Band action. The playlist is massive and stretches across decades and all kinds of genres, so everybody will find something they like. You might get some real musicians mocking your fun from the dark corners of the room, but everybody else will be having a rocking good time.

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves – If you absolutely must play a single player game while the family’s around, Skyrim probably won’t go over too well. But Drake’s second outing–the highlight of the series–is so excitingly cinematic that Mom, Dad, and anybody else in the house might actually enjoy watching you play. It’s that good. And who knows: maybe all of those collapsing buildings and speeding trains will convince somebody to take a crack at the co-op with you.

WarioWare: Smooth Moves – I know I said earlier that I wouldn’t include any Mario games, but I think we can let a cameo or two slide considering how different his nemesis’ titles are. With hundreds of “micro-games” that last just a few seconds, there’s a sense of urgency to WarioWare that the best team boardgames have mastered. The ridiculous amount of micro-games also means that you’ll be using the Wii-mote in more creative ways than you ever thought possible, but it’s always intuitive enough for non-gamers to pick up. It’s certainly a little stranger (okay, a lot) than most party games, but that’s what makes it so fun.

And that’s that. If you can’t manage to have some video gaming fun over the holidays with this list, then you need to find a new family. I think that’s how The Sims actually got started.

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“Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in ’83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He’s been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humor.” You should familiarize yourself with this quote, because anybody with any taste will be reciting it whenever Huey Lewis and the News comes up in your Rock Band 3 jam sessions.

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Yeah, whatever, I don’t really feel like writing all this crap out and nobody’s going to read it anyways, so have some links.

4GB Xbox 360 official, $300 Kinect bundle coming [GameSpot] – And GameSpot’s headline may fail to mention it, but they go onto detail how Kinect has officially been priced at $150 now. Maybe once it’s failed miserably and retailers are just trying to get it off of shelves at any cost I’ll consider it.

Activision mulling pay-to-play model for Call of Duty? [GameSpot] – Rumor squashed, but it wouldn’t surprise me to see more online aspects of the franchised monetized over the next two or three years.

Rock Band 3 hits stage October 26 [GameSpot] – Why do people still pay for these things?

Retailers List Deus Ex: Human Revolution for February [1UP] – Finally, some news I care about. That game looks boss.

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E3 hasn’t even officially started yet and we have three press conferences out of the way. So far, it’s been a pretty uneventful show. Hopefully that changes tomorrow. It is my full intention to continue liveblogging tomorrow for the Nintendo and Sony shows, but I must warn my dear readers that there’s a chance that might not happen. See, I could be dying and a trip to the doctor is in order as soon as possible. But don’t worry, I’ll get around to covering all the important stuff when I have the time. Well, that is if I’m still alive. We’ll see about that.

Anyways, in a change from last year’s coverage there is no separate section of the site dedicated to E3. Every E3 post is being filed under Reactions (any announcements or reveals, including trailers for new games) or Trailers (pure trailers with no release dates or announcements of any sort). So if you’re looking for something, just browse through those sections. I know it’s not the most intuitive method, but it’s really no worse than last year’s. And if you’re looking for something in particular, just use our handy-dandy search tool!

So now I’ll leave you with a bevy of videos that weren’t actually part of the show today, but that are related to E3 in one way or another.

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II

Dead Space 2 (I know it was at the show, but this video wasn’t)

Shank

Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 1

Rock Band 3

Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions (Looks pretty awesome, bro)

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According to USA Today, “Rock Band 3 (due for the holidays for PS3, Xbox 360 and Wii) expands the virtual band to seven (drums, lead and bass guitar, keyboards, lead vocals and two harmony vocals).”

The new hardware is a real 25 key MIDI keyboard that can be connected to a computer and played as a stand-alone instrument. Apparently, it uses the same 5 color coded keys (like the 5 color coded buttons of the guitars) for Easy-Expert modes, but utilizes all 25 keys for the new “Pro” mode, which supposedly teaches players how to really play the keyboard. “With the introduction of keyboards, we get to bring a ton of amazing new music onto the platform, which will help feed the appetite for music for years to come,” says Alex Rigopulos, CEO of game studio Harmonix.

Rock Band 3 will also feature a “full-sized, fully functional Fender guitar (all sold separately, no prices yet)” for the Pro mode. Details have yet to be revealed on how the guitar will work with the game.

For more specific details on a game that nobody in their right mind should care about in the year 2010, go ahead and read the USA Today article. Me, I think I’d rather just spend my money on a real keyboard and play what I want to.

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Yup, I’m totally doing this. I hate that I’m doing this, my stupid real life has been interfering with my fantasy game journalist life this past week, so I need to get caught up some how. Just click your links and be quiet!

Sledgehammer pounding out Call of Duty FPS [GameSpot]

Project Natal To Launch At $150? [GiantBomb]

Mass Effect: The Movie Is Really Happening [Kotaku]

Insomniac goes multiplatform with EA Partners [GameSpot]

New Splinter Cell forming at Ubisoft Toronto [GameSpot]

Wait, Really? Rock Band 3 To Support A Keytar? [GiantBomb]

Ico, Shadow of the Colossus HD Collection Rumored for Q1, 2011 [1UP]

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It’s going to “innovate and revolutionize the music genre” all over again. Sure…

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